I know I shouldn’t ask it. But I do.
Tragedy strikes in any form and it leaves you looking at your life now and questioning “how did I get here”
Isn’t it normal. Human nature. To question the uncertainty.
Why is this happening to me… us.
When Doug had his 3rd brain surgery March 17, 2020 he woke up with very limited use of his right side. We found strength in the moment as we prayed, looked to God and each other.
He returned home after 10 days of recovery and intense physical therapy. Then 2 weeks later the unforeseen struck our lives again when he had two focal seizures that left him with limited speech and loss of strength again on his right side. Only this time it was worse.
It left me looking at my life now and thinking; How did we get here? Why did this happen? The why has me looking in my past and whispers regrets of the things I took for granted. The wasted thoughts on “self” The misplaced priorities. Why brings shame and regrets. It threatens to steal my hope, joy and strength.
Looking backwards hurts. A hurt so deep it takes your breath away.
I used to think that asking why was dangerous. Kept me focusing in the wrong direction. Which I have to still agree with both of those statements.
When I began again to ask Why a few weeks ago something amazing happened. As I journaled my questions and fears for the future I met my “Who” in that place.
He gently assured me that my questions were valid and began to pour His peace over me. Calming the wind and waves in my soul. Reminding me that He has such a great plan for my life. Gently leading me to trust in Him again. To focus on His Promises and Goodness.
It is okay to ask why, because it is a valuable part of your process. We do need however to be very careful to not stay in that “place” of questioning though.
Ask. Lean in. Listen. Find Jesus waiting for you there.
I have learned an invaluable lesson through my “why” moments. Had I not asked why I would have not found my “Who”
Every time I ask why I find Jesus on the other side waiting.
I wrote this prayer that day in my moment of questioning that I would like to share with you. (You can also download it) My hope is that the next time you find your self in an unforeseen circumstance or season that you will ask why, pray this prayer and find Jesus there… waiting.