You carry them inside you, they share your heart and your blood. When your eyes meet for the first time this love floods over you that words can not express. You raise them, pour everything into them as best you can all the while feeling like it is never enough. Then they leave, independent strong young adults, and they take a piece of your heart with them. And you feel like you are dying inside……..
Does it sound dramatic? That’s because it is and I don’t remember anyone telling me it would be this hard.
We dropped our first daughter off at college……..
We had a 9 hour trip ahead of us so we all (minus the boys) got up bright and early to leave. When I say early I mean my eyes actually hurt because they didn’t want to open. I am clearly not a morning person. ha! I slept a little while Doug drove and of course the girls got another 4 hours of sleep in the back. I am not a good car sleeper like them. I wish though.
After meeting her roommate and unpacking, which takes FOR-E-VER I might add. This was our end result. Not bad considering we are running on very little sleep.
This was Doug’s face when we said good-bye, just so incredibly proud of his daughter and this new chapter in her life.
This was my face, my heart was being ripped out and thinking please don’t take my baby girl away. I thought I was ready for this but now I am not so sure.
To comfort myself on the long car ride home we stopped at Starbucks and I loaded myself with some caffeine.
And a salad. There are Chick-fil-A’s everywhere down south and I just love their Garden Market Salad (minus the blue cheese)
For the following week after leaving her at college I have been pretty much M.I.A. from social media and my writing. I have been binge watching Hulu and eating too many Acai bowls and online shopping. It feels weird as I try to process and feel my way through this new normal and I think we are all feeling the effects in our own way (except my 14 year old son who is so excited to have his own room soon. ha! ). I know for some this may sound way too over the top, I mean all I did was drop my daughter off at College, it isn’t like she is leaving forever. My husband keeps saying “this isn’t the end but the beginning”
The trouble is all I have been focusing on is the end. All the things that are changing…. the little things which are too many to list out. I have actually let myself get to a place of feeling depressed and out of control. I cry out to God and think He isn’t listening and then Sunday morning church comes and the title of the message is The Power of Perspective!
The Holy Spirit taps me gently on the shoulder and then gives me a big Italian Mama slap to the side of the head. “Snap out of it Karen, we have work to do” “And a life to live”
My favorite quote from the teaching was “Your perspective becomes either your prison or your passport” So I have to make a decision, shut off the TV, put away the food and hide the credit card and push through those feelings that leave me feeling defeated.
God is so Awesome and patient with us.
This is what Running with Freedom looks like, some days you don’t want to go forward and run your race of life because it gets hard and you feel like you are stuck. And you just want to quit because you don’t feel free. But I promise you no matter how you feel, you ARE free! Because….
Whom the Son sets free, is Free Indeed. John 8:36