Do you ever have those mornings where you roll out of bed not feeling so great about yourself. That inner voice not speaking so nice.
Well me too!
One morning as I began my daily routine of coffee, quiet and God. I began to journal my first waking thoughts that day. It went something like this.
I just don’t feel right today. As I look around in my mind things look messy. Life hurts. I’m overwhelmed. I feel gross. Ugly. Undesirable. I turn inward and hide inside myself because I am so ashamed of how I feel. To most, on the outside I look great. My life seems blessed and I am envied because of my strength. I feel ashamed.
Dear God, I am so tired. My mind has been in this “place” my whole life. I am suffocating here. Help me get out! Something is missing God. What is it? I am worn out from the self hatred. Trying to be “better” , ‘good enough” I want my life to mean something. Bring you glory. I feel worthless today. Like my life has been meaningless until now.
I got up from my chair and went about my day. Deciding that working out was much better than sitting in my thoughts. Plus movement really helps me clear my mind.
Half way in. Sweat dripping. My phone rings. I decline. (Please don’t call me i am working out.) I saw it was my kids school so I decided that it was best to call back and make sure everything was okay.
When the secretary answered she said it was my youngest Jeremy but he left no message. She then proceeded to put me on hold as she went to call him back to the office.
Thats when God showed up.
You see my kids go to a Christian school and when they put you on hold it is a recording of a clip from one of the pastors teachings. The timing and words in the next minute were for me. At that exact moment. From heaven to my heart.
He was teaching from Matthew 22:16b “Teacher,” they said. “we know how honest you are. You teach the way of God truthfully. You are impartial and don’t play favorites. vs.17; Now tell us what you think about this, is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” vs.18; But Jesus knew their evil motives. “You hypocrites!” he said. Why are you trying to trap me? v s.19; Here, show me the coin used for the tax.” When they handed him a Roman coin, vs.20; he asked, “Whose picture and title are stamped on it?” vs.21; Caesars’s,” they replied. “Well, then,” he said, “give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and give to God what belongs to God.”
If you belong to God, He tells us in Deuteronomy 28:13 Listen to the commands of the Lord your God and carefully obey them, the Lord will make you the head and not the tail.
God has a coin!!
Because I belong to him. I am the head. My face is on that coin. My value and worth is in God. I do not have to follow after the worlds standards of what makes a person valuable. I place my value in my Lord and Savior and what He says about me.
I have spent pretty much my whole life viewing myself as the other side of the coin. The tail. Never enough. Striving for perfection. Finding my value in myself, the things I have and the people in my life.
What God was speaking to me (and us) in this short minute (on-hold) is that it is time for me to flip the coin. Start seeing myself as God does. Worthy of His love. My worth comes because I am His.
You are His.
Lean into and let that take space in your mind. Meditate on it over and over. I don’t know about you but when I just replay that thought all the heaviness, shame and striving dissipates. I see myself through a new lens. God’s… A sense of peace covers my soul. Washes over my mind. Calms me. Gives me strength and new purpose.
That is what God wanted you & me to hear that day. The piece you are missing is the true knowledge of who you are in Christ. This is the answer to the ache of our hearts. The “something” that is missing. The meaning we crave so desperately. Just to be “enough”
God says You are mine. You are valuable. You are the head on My coin.
Isn’t it time you flipped the coin?