The Killer of Self Confidence

IMG_4861Comparison for me began at such an early age I think. Before I was even a teenager I can remember comparing myself to my sister.  So often our own siblings are the first ones we compare ourselves with and then we learn to compare ourselves with friends and then random strangers on the street. And of course lets not forget TV and social media. Even in my 30’s I was still in the comparison trap full swing.

In 2006 with 3 little ones , one in school the other two home, I finally decided to join the gym. I loved going to the gym but it  actually  became a  love hate relationship.  I love to exercise and always have , I’m not saying I leap for joy every time I go for a run but I love the satisfaction I get after I finish a workout. But for years exercise was a way out for me because of the bingeing in my life. I used it as a way to punish myself and burn loads of calories in the process.  I was  always so self conscious at the gym though  and I quickly found myself constantly comparing myself to all the other women who looked so much better  than me. Comparing myself with others did  not do anything to help my self hatred and ever growing insecurities.

I feel it all begins when we are in our adolescents .  When you are a teenager you think about , I am not pretty enough, smart enough , thin enough and  the list can go on and on.  If we don’t learn to stop putting ourselves down when we are young we will turn into women who put ourselves down. Only the voice changes.  Am I a good mother?  My marriage is not as good as theirs ?  My house isn’t as nice. My house isn’t as clean. I don’t cook like she does. And we will still be saying , I am not pretty , smart  and thin  enough.

Today I would like to share with you three simple  steps to kill comparison and build self confidence.


We live in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with images all around us. We need to be so careful what we allow ourselves to look at. TV, internet, movies , even just walking through the mall, these can all have such a negative effect on us. This might mean different things for different people. For me , I don’t go to the gym anymore , I workout at home and on the pavement with running. I  have to guard my heart with what I see on TV and stop myself when I find my thoughts start down the road of putting myself down.

Now I know we can not physically walk around with our eyes closed but we can control what we let our eyes focus on and how it effects us .  And the only way to do that is by applying steps 2 and 3 to our lives.

2. OPEN YOUR EYES  (and read Gods Word)

When we have Gods word deep in our hearts we are better equipped to come against those negative images and thoughts that come against us on a daily basis.  We really need to make a conscious effort to spend time reading and studying what God has to say about us. Write scriptures on sticky notes and post them around the house in the rooms you spend the most time in and even your car too. Every time you look at them try to read them out loud so you can hear yourself saying them.


And that brings us to our 3rd step. Let your self talk in your mind be positive and be careful what you say about yourself  out loud. We tend to believe what we say about ourselves more than what others say.

I would encourage you to create a list of Confessions from scripture to speak over yourself everyday what the word of God says about you.  Let reading your list of confessions be one of the first things you do every morning. It only takes a few minutes and it will have a lifetime effect on you and the people around you as you begin to believe what you are saying.

In conclusion I want to let you know something about me. I have not arrived yet in this area of my life. Some days are a real struggle to believe what I know the word says about me. The voices in my head are so much louder than what I know to be true in my heart. And some days I just down right hate who I see in the mirror. And  sometimes I am not acting like the woman I really know I can be.

BUT………… I have my bad days …..then I push through with all I have. I listen to teachings on my podcast and I bombard those thoughts and feelings the only true way I know how.  I close my eyes,  open them to the truth and shout the voices out as loud as I can.

Finally ……. Watch your eyes , what you see will become your thoughts.  Your thoughts will become your words and your words have the power to create………. What will you create in your life today??

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue , and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it { for death or life}.







  • I can relate to the comparison trap. It is easy to fall into and difficult to break out of. I am now raising a teenage daughter with her own body image challenges, and it is tricky, I tell you! I wish society was not so fixated on women’s bodies. It is difficult to teach an adolescent that her body does not define her self-worth when that is the message that we are bombarded with from every angle. Thank you for all the good suggestions on how to combat the cultural and personal difficulties surrounding this issue.

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